where is my fortune

Hard to say by word. Everything is in bottom heart. Did he knows, girl is some kind of species which very sensitive and sometimes look very unique. I am not sure why these few days my mood very down and hard to adopt any rudeness from surrounding people.

Very unlucky these few days. Very shit! I also idiotically "paid" people RM90 to buy a very experience to learn what is the shit life. Cant blame anyone, just need to blame myself because too cuai.

I want you to understand and stand at my side when my life is stranded. Be a right person to find when I am in sadness. Be my good listener. Want you to lead me when I lost, give me a direction not a instruction. Have a patient to tell me when I am wrong. Teach me when my step was wrong. I just want to feel warm and relax when thinking of you. I want to see you in front of me with warm smile and give me a hand to pull me up when fall down. Heal my "wound". Want to see you are there for me.

But people wont always perfect. I have own weakness. I admit i frequently make you proud of having me. I am not always right and occasional help you solve your difficulties. But we always in argument.

I really did not understand why we always get ourselves in argument. It seem to be our routine. And i hate this very much. In certain case, you might think I am a crazy, stupid girl. Always make you "fan" but, did you try to understand a woman's soul? I tired, like you used too ~

a regular soft hearted human

Hilang punca, hidup kosong!

Tiba - tiba saja rasa macam dunia gelap... Masa depan cerah yang diimpikan sebelum ini rasa terlalu jauh untuk dicapai... Terlalu jauh. Tidak dapat bayangkan cara untuk menguraikan kelemahan serta ketakutan yang selalu menyelubungi diri. Hidup bagaikan tiada arah tuju. Tiba - tiba rasa seperti sampan yang terputus tali, menghanyut ke tengah lautan. Tidak tahu apa yang ingin digapai.

Sambung Master kononnya. Ia sekadar COP FAMOUS yang boleh dibanggakan di kampung tetapi kisah di sebaliknya bagaikan kain yang koyak rabak. Indah dan megahnya jenama MASTER. Kisah sebaliknya yang rapuh dan reput tiada yang ketahuinya.

Entah bagaimana untuk mengira satu semula sebagai permulaan untuk meniti cita - cita. Ke mana cita - cita sebelum ini yang mekar dan teguh di hati... Entah ke mana hilangnya jiwa muda itu. Apa yang harus digapai sekarang? Teringin untuk bejiwa kental dan melawan segala arus kehidupan yang boleh mematangkan lagi diri ini....

homesick

painful... no energy.... suddently feel the journey is too long....very long... I cant see my future, I'm not clear with my ambition and my destiny... The road is too long... And too far... When can I reach my destination... OUR LOVE will bring me.... Love from family and people who I love so much...

Mak, I miss you so much... feel so painful... Start from tonight, i will sleep alone... No more your hugs and your hand around my waist. Mak, you are the best mommy in the world. I'm sorry, sometime I'm quite rude with you but I never mean to it, and I always regret of my unpolite manners and unmatured mind. I never mean to hurt or see you sad. I love you. I need your LOVE and your GUIDE always... I'm waiting next month will very quickly approach. I miss you mommy.... Miss our family... Miss all of you.... Miss so much.... Very much! See you next month mak... September is coming soon. Miss you ~ (I hope to be strong!!!)

I dont know how to help him out. He is crying now, I can noticed it when I phone him a minute ago... He quite hurt. I know. His convo, his big day but mean nothing to his family? Maybe this is what in his mind... When seeing his tears, I can feel how hurt is he now. I want to help, but how? Just give him mental support... I'm so helpless ~

Tomorrow is his birthday. But seem everthing going to be bad... He is unhappy. What should I do...

I know everything... Know what is going on between us... Know what is the main problem... And try to adopt it all... But do you? Just do not want to force anyone... Just let it be... But how to begin tomorrow? Should I start with what? No idea... Everything is going to change? I'm not used to it... Its quite hard... Because already set in mind, you are one of my "routine". Quite hard to imagine if how to go through my days without you.... No idea...

bad day, bad sign...

Teringin sangat dia insaf atas kesilapan kecilnya... Teringin sangat untuk melihat perubahan dia daripada seorang panas baran kepada yang cool dan memahami (kepada lebih memahami). Teringin sangat mendengar kata - kata maaf yang betul - betul lahir daripada kekesalan, bukannya sekadar untuk "menang". Perkara yang sama selalu berulang...lagi dan lagi... Kadang - kadang rasa betul - betul sedih tetapi cuba untuk memahami walaupun sukar, tetapi ada juga usaha untuk mencuba. Setiap pertengkaran selalunya akan berakhir dengan kemaafan sehari selepas "kejadian" atau beberapa jam selepas itu. Kerap juga yang rasanya ingin lepas tangan kerana "kepenatan perasaan" tetapi hati masih sayang...amat menyayanginya... Pernah juga memaklumkan kepada dia, yang diri ni tidak tahu akan dapat bertahan berapa lama... Maklumlah hati manusia ada juga had yang tertentu... Memang sedia maklum pun... Dengan harapan yang menggunung, perhubungan ini adalah EVERLASTING.

geram betoi!

nak kerja tapi takut itu dan ini...apa gunanya....memalukan...sebenarnya tak ingin orang nampak kebodohan yang ada pada diri. Berasa sangat gusar sekali. Pada mulanya runsing kerana tiada kerja part time nak buat sepanjang cuti nanti, tapi sekarang susah hati kerana terlalu banyak pilihan. Bila dah ada pilihan, jadi cerewet pulak. Paling benci adalah perasaan sendiri yang memang kolot dan bodoh tidak bertamadun. Nak buat kerja yang gaji tinggi, tapi takut itu dan ini. Tak nak jaga kedai seorang diri dan sebagainya. Kenapa bodoh sangat?!!! Tak ada self confident langsung, kata budak U, tapi kualiti fikiran macam budak kurap jalanan. Kadang - kala pernah teringin nak mencabar ketakutan diri sendiri, tetapi tak tau kenapa semakin hari semakin lemah dan bodoh. Haiz, benci betoi! Apa la.....

miss my family

I miss my mom more and more, i miss my uncle....miss my home ... would like to see the familiar faces (sister,dad, ko Khian, Aso, ko Kiau,ko Hua and biao mei) and OF COURSE wont forget you, PEW (a naughty cat). ... miss our small family gathering... when the tears stream down my face. I want to come home.... i love you all...

so sweet...muacksss...glenya, gedik, gatal! hehe. Actually dnt knw what to post, so, jz write some "rubbish",crabbing and talk something nonsense here. Jz testing whether it work or not. For those who keep asking me who is JELUTONG, and u got the answer now! Of course d man in Red T-shirt is someone special if not, i wont act so gedik like in photo.haha (dah tau gedik,nak buat lagi)

testing