SAD

This few days, i keep worrying about something. I have just accept 1 new job as a Research Officer but only for 1 month. But why i keep worrying, I am not so clear about the cause. Probably I afraid to compete with other people. Some more I have to do my field work in KL, the place that I am not so familiar. At first I am not so fear but when the date is nearer, make me nervous and absolutely regret to accept this job. So stupid. I regret because I am stubborn to try this new job, stubborn to not listen my sister and mom which not so support me to do. Now a bit late to reverse my step since almost everything "has been prepared" for me. I am not sure i will strong till the end or will end up with embarrassment. I everyday pray to the God to protect and give me a strong heart to "fight" with all of these.

I miss my home and miss my mom so much. I felt very weak. I need support. I felt very phobia to go to KL although by group. Make me extremely worried. I am regret to accept it. MAK, I am sorry because accept this job and cant accompany you at our sweet home. I am suffering because of my decision. God, please give me a strong heart and can smoothly go through all of these difficulties. Sathuk ~

How to express out my feeling ya. this coming Thursday I will sit my final exam. Even though just 1 paper but it not easy to pass her paper. i mean DR NIk. sigh ~

Yesterday i have a bit conflict with him. Just a small matter. Only the girls will face these kind of difficulties. I am one of this category. Need more time, more attention, and more love... even the we have plenty of it.

Tears, the best emotion as a secret weapon. The girls used tears to take down an ego bf...most of the time...Yes, it is...

Lonely world

Look at the clock, quite late. Mid night already gone, and waiting for sun rise. My laptop clock showed 1.43am, time to wait sun rise to approach the world, few hours later. Actually, I suppose to be on my bed and having a sweet dream now. But weather very hot even I have already open fan o the limit number that it can run, I still failed to persuade my eyes to close, and my mind keep running. I cant sleep!

Yes, weather is very hot, like "burning" the air... I cant feel the function of my both fan. And meanwhile I tried hard to "shut down" my true world into another world (dream), my room mates are chatting without care about me. They talking about one topic to another topic continuously. About jobs, about clothes, shopping, family, friends and so on so fourth. They are improving their friend relationship at this time...the time when I uncomfortable. I am not sure what time their "class world" conversation will ends and but I really cant bear it. Huh, but how to stop... They already grew up enough to think about it. Anyway, I am not going to angry them. Just like what I said, they are big enough.....

suddenly, the question about future "pop out" in mind now. About myself. I got FEAR. I have tried to over come my fear, but it seem not much improve as it should to be. About relationship, friends, and surrounding people. I am fear to mix up with new community, to meet new friends and to know stranger. I ever thought, I hard to step out from my "shell" because i afraid to disappointed. A lot of people like to assume me as a bumiputera during our first meeting. It is too often and really make afraid to talk or speak with chinese people. Sometimes, very embarrass when I were talking, one of chinese man asked me : You look totally different, not similar with typical chinese. I thought you are malay!

Oh God, only God knows how hurt am I. But I still replied that chinese man with smile and said : Oh, I already used to this impression.

Nobody knows, my heart was crying. I just don't want to show you my tears. Most of the time, I just try to cover up my weakness by pretending be a talkative person. No one knows me better than myself. Deep inside, I am kind of shy, less confidence, dependent, fear, lonely, and less talk with strangers.

Today is Saturday and a bit impress because I at home. Nothing special, just need to stay back for finishing my desk works (assignments again). Different from others day, I quite energetic to work hard and being a good girl by talking good to all of my house-mates. Probably because my period time still so far, and moody feeling already swept away by enjoying my days. Bitter or sweet, life still need to move on, why should I easily to give up for certain stupid things? Yes, I am right, enjoying every second of life is wonderful feeling. Tears, laughing, moody days, make life more meaningful. I wish to persist my good motivation for being a valuable person.

Provided by Tarot.com

The symbol for Aquarius is the Water-Bearer, a universal man who is pouring forth water from a jug. This universal man represents the community of mankind. The waters of life flow, like ideas coming from the unrestrained mind. Many people mistakenly think that Aquarius is a water sign, but it is an intellectual air sign. As such, Aquarius can be interested in concepts and ideas. Because of its universality, Aquarius can seem somewhat detached from personal emotions. It's not that you Aquarius don't have feelings; it's just that yours are different from most others. You dance to the beat of a different drummer.

Aquarius can be good communicators as long as you stay in the mental realms. Aquarius are friendly, but can become uncomfortable as you discuss your feelings. In fact, your friends are very important to you and Aquarius might be involved with groups of like-minded people in a social club, a political action group or a public service group.

The Aquarius motto could be Einstein's "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." And yours is a great spirit, sometimes erratic and sometimes brilliant. You know much about yourself and the world, but knowing everything can be an obstacle to your own happiness. Your practice is twofold. First, you must learn how to separate your crazy notions from what is important. And second, you need to learn how to respond to the opposition you encounter without making it difficult for yourself.

Aquarius

Aquarius About Your Sign... Aquarians basically possess strong and attractive personalities. They fall into two principle types: one shy, sensitive, gentle and patient; the other exuberant, lively and exhibitionist, sometimes hiding the considerable depths of their character under a cloak of frivolity. Both types are strong willed and forceful in their different ways and have strong convictions, though as they seek truth above all things, they are usually honest enough to change their opinions, however firmly held, if evidence comes to light which persuades them that they have been mistaken. They have a breadth of vision that brings diverse factors into a whole, and can see both sides of an argument without shilly-shallying as to which side to take. Consequently they are unprejudiced and tolerant of other points of view. This is because they can see the validity of the argument, even if they do not accept it themselves. They obey the Quaker exhortation to "Be open to truth, from whatever source it comes," and are prepared to learn from everyone. Both types are humane, frank, serious minded, genial, refined, sometimes ethereal, and idealistic, though this last quality is tempered with a sensible practicality. They are quick, active and persevering without being self-assertive, and express themselves with reason, moderation and sometimes, a dry humor. (21 January - 20 February) Aquarius has a very complicated emotional nature, his sensuality depends totally on his own imagination. He enjoys dreaming about something peculiar and exiting, especially in youth. He will halo his beloved; create a mystical image in his mind that doesn’t usually correspond to reality. In other words, he often idealizes his soul mate, then gets disappointed and abandons his love to become friends with his ex-lover. Some get used to a “comparatively happy” life, in which sentimentality doesn’t play an important role. Others do their best to conceal vulnerable soul under a cold appearance, may become cynic, even violent, but this is quite rare. Love horoscope Aquarius claims that the only trap for this sign is a craving for prestige. He is extremely ambitious and likes “to show off”. A thought that love can influence him as a person is an illusion. He may not get involved, stand aside. Aquarius always returns to his primary affection and friendship. He never troubles his partner by hate or anger. He wants to feel free, even more than Gemini and Libra. Love horoscope Aquarius explains that freedom is essential in the relationship.

Few Things~

Almost end of the January already. The time ran very fast till i cant feel of it. A few weeks later is my birthday. I do not bother with it whether got anyone remember about that date or not, as long as a few people from my "heart list" still remember of it. I also would not hurt if no one give a present. 5th Feb 2010, i will step to another year... 24 years old. Huh, a bit large number.

Now, already in the middle of the semester. Quite tough for me to settle many works on time. I compete with the needle of the clock... hope to run quickly as the needle of the clock moving every second. The date line is nearer. Need some miracle to boost my confident and hardworking's mood.

Have a few works in mind, and I know need to finish it faster, I just able to rest. But I totally already in a CNY mood =P